Christmas in Montana

So I went home to Montana for Christmas and it has been a blast. Well... except for the fact that my younger older brother is either on something or just getting off of something and gets irritated at every little thing that I do. And it doesn't help that he hates me and i drive him nuts without anything "influencing" him. For example, I was playing the piano earlier today, just plunking out some Christmas carols, the thing is I can't read music (my mother AND sister are both musically talented and have been trying to teach me since birth, but i still can't get it) and so i play the songs but ear. that means that if i miss a note i push keys until i find the right one and move on from there. I thought i was doing really good, i only would miss one or two notes every now and then when my younger older brother suddenly yelled at me to stop breaking the piano. He continued to insult me for about five minutes while i dutifully plunked out The First Noel. I eventually got defencive and told him to bugger off, but that only provoked him even more. He started to say that i gave him a headache and then he tried to get our mom on his side. he even searched the house trying to find her all the while complaining about his pig headed and fingered retard of a sister. I just kept playing, while throwing in a comment about his intelligence level when ever he was near. I thought it was especially stupid of him to get our music teacher mother into this. naturally she was thrilled that i was actually practicing and so she told Justin to go somewhere quieter. Then dad threw in that my playing couldn't be as bad for his headache as the computer games he was just playing. this really pissed Justin off since he was one his way to play more games. if he wanted to keep up the facade of a headache, he couldn't really play them for a while. Then he tried to say that the world stopped when I had a headache, which made me laugh really hard. Just the night before, I'd had a migraine, and so i had to stop playing with my nieces and lay down in my room for a while. The thing is, I went to my room! which is situated right about the downstairs tv (complete with surround sound) and he happen to be watching Transformers with the sound almost as loud as it would go. But i didn't say or do anything about that even though my bed was vibrating and i literally had to catch the lamp before it fell off of the bedside table. The world stops when i have a headache, uh-huh... right. Jerk. and of course my older brother sided with him and Marshall is such an egotistical pig, there is no arguing with him when it comes to his opinion versus that of a woman's. all in all thins has actually kind of sucked. It will be better from now on, though. My fifth older sister is coming tonight as well as my seventh and the seventh drives my brothers more nuts that i do since she is just as arrogant and my fifth sister is kind, but blunt. she will tell you exactly what she thinks and she doesn't take or allow crap, so Justin and Marshall will have to be nice. HAHAHA! Sometimes it's nice to have six older sisters that are very "strong". then i don't have to deal with the two idiots (aka brothers).

I just want to add that i don't think all brothers are jerks and idiotic, arrogant pigs. Just mine. I wish i had a real older brother, one that didn't feel threatened by the fact that i am physically bigger than them and have been since kindergarten. I WANT A HOLLYWOOD OLDER BROTHER!!!!!!! Waaaaaa! K, I'm done.

Another thing about Christmas in Montana, is the daily average has been -22 oF burrr.

My Dream

I hate people. I'm going to become a vampuric werewolf. And yet, I fear the night... I fear it because that's when he comes to visit me. Soon he will come for me once and for all, and on that night I will have to learn to embrace the darkness...

My Dream
At night when I dream
Happy dreams you would think, but no
Darkness so deep
Nothing can I see
Hands ice cold
Wrapped around my throat
Voice deep and mean
It says I’ve got you
Now you belong to me
Your life shall be in darkness
No light will touch your skin
Learn to look through the night
If you wish to see again
He slowly turns me around
He says “only me can you see”
His skin is white as snow
His hair a blackened sea
His eyes are blood red coals
That shine as he looks at me
His smile is cold and cruel
He quickly pulled me close
Hard muscles on my stomach
Tight chest against my breast
His hand holds to my head
His fingers my hair caress
The touch is surprisingly soft
As if what he touches is most dear
He tilts my face towards his
And looks into my eyes
He bends and kisses my lips
I slowly close my eyes
Then quickly they open as I wake
I sit straight up in bed
A cold sweat covers my body
I sigh, “It was a dream”
But even while I’m awake
I feel his breath on my cheek
My lips feel warm and yet numb
I can hardly breathe
Was is as real as it seemed
I don’t know and never will
But maybe, just maybe
He is waiting for me to come to him
And when I do
I won’t dream anymore
For my dream will be real life

I know it isn't a normal poem. There's no rhyme scheme, the beat is funky, and it was literally thrown together at like three in the morning after i had the freaking dream for the twelfth night in a row! AND after i wake up from that stupid dream i can't go back to sleep. So, twelve nights of maybe 3-5 hours of sleep. YAY! I love remembering that time, and what sleep i did get was not restful. He left me alone for a while after if wrote the poem, but now he's back and he's making me pay for my small respite.
The worst part is, I'm starting to see him during the day as well. i was performing in a Christmas concert the other night. I was on stage but the lights were dimmed on me so that the focus would be on another performance. I was looking into the crowd, and i thought i saw a man standing in the back corner of the auditorium. when i focused on the man's face, IT WAS HIM! He smiled at me and waved. Then he disappeared after i blinked my eyes. I must have looked pretty shocked since the girl next to me pulled on my sleeve to get my attention and gave me a worried look. I smiled the best i could, but i don't think she was convinced. Tell you what, i was scared crapless when i walked to my car afterwards, alone, in the dark, at like midnight.
In my dream that night, and ever since then, there is something different. He touches my throat softly with his fingers before he bends down and kisses my Adam's apple. He then worked his way up to my mouth and the dream continues as usual from there. It's scary.

New Quotes!

• Freedom is just a word, but it's a word that millions would willingly die for.
• Life is a one way street; there's no turning back.
• A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it.
• Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.
• You only live once, but if you work it right, once is enough.
• If you love somebody, set them free. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.
• Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
• Sometimes you have to let go of the one you love to find out if there is really something there.
• Time goes by a lot slower when you miss the one you love.
• I’m the person your mother warned you about.
• I’m not as dumb as you look.
• Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.
• Knowledge talks, wisdom listens.
• Only the wisest and the stupidest of men never change.
• The two most common elements in the world are hydrogen and stupidity.
• Don't drown the man who taught you to swim.
• A friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be somewhere else.
• Only your real friends tell you when your face is dirty.

CRAP!!!!

Man, I feel horrible! And it's because I'm either dumb or stubborn, probably both. Let me explain; I get ear infections on the drop of the dime. I'm not kidding, I get them all the time. I use to go to the doctor every time I got one, but I was in there every other month and I got sick of it. By then, I was to the point where I hardly noticed the pain and just felt as if I had shoved cotton into my ears, and so I just ignore it the best I can. Here's the problem; since I ignore them, they spread to the other ear and eventually develop into sinus infections. Do you think I go to the doc then? NOPE! I wait until it has traveled down my throat (literally the mucus goes down my throat and gives me a sore throat and nausea) and into my lungs. I'm usually at the point where I'm coughing up crap, can breath unless I'm completely upright, and I can barely function because of the pressure in my head (this is usually a month or two after I got the original ear infection). The reason I go to the doctor, though, isn't because I chose to, usually my mom drags me there after she figured out that I was sick again. The thing that sucks the most is that I always have the same prescription (a 3-pack), and it takes forever to recover.
PLUS, maybe a month after I have recovered, the process starts all over again.
Right now I'm at the sore throat nauseous stage and I can feel my lungs start to get congested. I really should go to the doctor, but ow I'm a poor college student and can't really afford too, even if I did somehow find the time! So I'm going to wait as usual, mainly because I'm a baka, but that's just my opinion.

Quote

• To live is to die; to die is to live.
• If you think that no one cares if you're alive, try missing a few car payments.
• What if the Hokey-Poky really is what it's all about?

Random Quotes

I love random quotes, so I will be adding them every once in a while.

• If I don't remember it... it didn't happen.
• How many times have I cried for no reason?
• Listen to your heartbeat and dance.
• Watch reruns, they replay your memories.
• Go to your happy place (and stay there)
• I hear voices and they don't like you
• Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game
• Courage is the ability to be afraid, but continue anyway
• To be afraid is to be human
• Smile...it confuses people
• A person becomes most dangerous when everything they have is taken away
• If only for a little while… let me be here with you
• I like you… I shall kill you last
• Dreams are like people… they tend to disappoint
• I don’t want to disappear
• Touch me and DIE!
• Freedom is just a word
• Are you the one I see in my dreams when I am most sad?
• I’m hiding from myself
• You can’t be old and wise if you aren’t young and crazy first
• Screaming will only increase (the/his/her/my) pleasure
• Until there is none, save just the one
• Go crawl under a rock and await further instruction
• Run now and save yourself the time later
• Why can’t I remember what I have done?
• Why can’t I feel sorrow for what I’ve done?
• Who am I?
• What am I?
• I did it, but I’m blaming you
• It’s your call, dance or die?
• You really are pretty as a picture... I'd like to hang you
• If God gives you lemons, find a new God!
• Would/Will you kill someone you love for love's sake?
• Hope is like a treasure you can't carry alone
• Electroshock therapy is fun!
• Go ahead and run, you'll just died tired
• Absolute power corrupts absolutely
• Love lost is love known
• Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moon light?
• Dragons are HOT lovers!

Intro.

I LOVE VAMPIRES AND WEREWOLVES! So now all I need to do is find one of each and have them both turn me! If you are reading this and of either species, CONTACT ME, PLEASE!!!! I'll do what ever you want for as long as you want. I'll be your slave (actually I think I'd like that even more) if they wanted. All I ask is that you turn me first, and free me eventually (even if it's just for a little time)